Brokeback Mountain
by eesia
Summary: It was catastrophic week for Winchesters


It is all like the scene from "Brokeback Mountain" movie: green woods, old trees, big mountains and a little tent with two man inside…

"We're in the middle of nowhere"

"I know Sam"

"And it's raining."

"I know, I'm here too"

"And you lost all of our a provision"

"It was not entirely my fault"

"And we have lost"

"Well at least FBI won't find us"

"It's not funny Dean. It's dark, raining, we have no food, water, compass or even a map. We have lost and we don't know where to go."

"Thank you for summary, Sam. Are you done?"

"Not yet, I think this tent is standing on some kind of the insects' road"

"And you know this how? Ow! Take them off me!!!!"

----------------------

_Still in the middle of nowhere_

"I have to admit, Dean, the way you're walking is pretty funny. And you should have seen your face when this ants were all over you. Yeah, I think that there are some reasons I start to like camping after all"

"Tell me, smartass, why any of these ants didn't bite you?"

"They must have thought your ass was more appetizing. You know all of them are females, right? Seems like there is no woman who can resist you. At least in this woods."

"Sam?"

"You have to be careful. Female Sasquash could live here. And you wouldn't run far away right now."

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"I think I saw a skunk in this bushes"

"Yeah, right, like I'm gonna believe you."

"But Sam--"

"You don't fool me, Dean. Yeah, your hiding can't convince me… What's that stink?"

----------------------

_Still, in the middle of nowhere_

"You know, Sam? We don't have to hide from the police now. If one of them wants to arrest us, you simply will kill him using your stink."

"Dean?"

"There is no way you riding my Impala now."

"There is no way _you_ driving your Impala. How do you suppose to sit down? And Dean? Don't you think that walking backward, face to me, it's not the good idea?"

"Why?"

"There is a slope and the river behind your back"

"Yeah, like I'm gonna believe youuuuuuuuuu!"

----------------------

_In the middle of nowhere, near the river_

"OK, it's not one of the brightest days in our lives, Dean"

"I know: you stink, but it was me who had a bath in the river"

"But let's face it, there is not so much bad things which can happen to us now. I think our bad luck is over."

"Um Sam? Did you hear this? It sounded like a--"

"Bear"

----------------------

_Bobby's Salvage Yard, a few days later_

"Home, sweet home"

"Dean, isn't it this waitress from the bar, standing over here"

"Looks like."

"She seems to be pissed. What have you done this time?"

"Me? Why have I had to do anything?... Oh wait, it's probably because… Ok, she's gonna kill me. I'll wait here and you'll go first and make her go"

"What? Why me?

"Oh, come on, your stink frighten the bear, I think, it can handle her as well"

"I can borrow you my jacket"

"The sooner hell will frozen than I put your pansy jacket on"

"Um Dean, I think she head us and is going here. Dean…? Wait for me!"

----------------------

_20 minutes later_

"Why did you run Dean?"

"I was chased by a stinking giant. Everyone would run"

"I mean the waitress. Why did you run out of her?"

"I was stung lately, I don't need being bite by the waitress, thank you very much."

"Do you aware of how dirty did it sound?"

"Do you aware of how painful was it?"

"Um, Dean… It's her. How did she find us?"

"She followed your stink, genius"

"So, what now?"

"Well I think it's time to be a man and face the angry woman"

"Are you kidding? She is pulling the stun gun out. I'll leave you facing the angry woman and I'll let myself be a real man… I have to go…"

"Wait, coward! Hi there. Can we talk about this?"

Zip!

----------------------

_Later_

"It was almost like the scene from the "Practical Magic" movie: two naked girls ware dancing in the middle of the night around the stone where I was tided up…"

"Have you seen "Practical Magic" Dean????"

"It's not the point, Sam, I'm telling you, I was kidnapped and used in a some ritual"

"I've always thought "Practical Magic" is a pansy movie"

"Focus Sam! I was--"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were hallucinating dude. When we found you, you were drooling all over your face and had the blank eyes. It's just effect of too much ants' toxin and the stun gun. Bobby, tell him!"

"You have seen "Practical Magic" Dean???"


End file.
